The irreplaceable void..

PART 1

Four years ago, an accident took my beloved wife away and very often I wonder, how does my wife feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable of taking care of the house and kids cuz that is the exact feeling that i have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the mum and dad for my child. There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there were stil rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.


With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home.So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all my energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when i jumped into my bed with the intention of just having a well deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bed sheet and blanket! Boy, was i mad! I was so furious that i took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and gave him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation : "Dad, i was hungry and there wasn't any leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence i turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you cuz I was playing with my toys... I am sorry Dad.. "


At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks.. but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the showerhead on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and apply medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was to me to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well pass midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.